Just wanted to clarify one thing: my sleepless nights are not entirely Marco’s fault. I mean, they are and they aren’t. I have had trouble sleeping since I was a baby. My entire life has been spent getting just enough sleep (usually between 4 or 5 hours per night, sometimes more, sometimes less); enough to get through my work/school day. I lie awake hours on end, no matter how exhausted I feel. Part of it is my thought process. I do some of my best thinking in the late hours, and unfortunately have no ‘Off’ switch. I have tried yoga, warm milk, baths, showers, herbal remedies, and every over-the-counter sleep drug offered. Reading is of no help, as it is my favorite activity in the world, and more likely to keep me awake; I’ll want to stay up to finish my book. Nothing seems to help.

Further, it is made even harder by the fact that I am highly sensitive to noise. Snoring, heavy breathing, dogs pacing, cats bathing, birds chirping…its all too much for me. The slightest noise will wake me up. About 10 years ago I discovered the joy of a fan. A Weatherworks box fan, to be precise. Its lovely. The ‘low’ setting has just enough white noise to cover all the minor annoyances at night that would otherwise torture me. This has helped some of the quality of sleep that I do get, just not the quantity.

Last year, I finally decided to talk to my doctor about it and get some real help. He prescribed a few different things for me to try. One, Rozerem, was not covered by our PPO (which I thought was the point of having the most expensive plan?!) and would have cost me $100 per month to use. Another made me sick, and the third simply did not work. He then prescribed Ambien. I hate to say this about any drug, but OMG, it was love. It relaxed my body AND my mind. I could wake up if I needed to pee or let Chloe outside, and had the luxury of being able to fall back to sleep with no trouble afterward.  During the 10 or 11 months that I was using it, I never slept less than 7 hours per night, I was on a regular night schedule (11pm bedtime) and damn it if I wasn’t happy as a clam!

Things were going along nicely until I discovered I was pregnant last September. I stopped taking the Ambien immediately. I knew that the first trimester was a critical time for the baby’s development, and didn’t want to risk it, though all my research showed that it was considered safe for use during pregnancy. Its not highly recommended, however does not show any side effects. The fact that I was also on an extremely low dosage would work in my favor later on, I thought. Sleeping wasn’t terrible for the first few months, but right around November things started to sour. It got harder to sleep, partly due to the fact that I had to wake up to pee more often than usual. Then, it became difficult to fall asleep. Now, it is simply impossible until I have completely exhausted every single particle in my body. In the past 2 1/2 weeks, I have not gotten more than 5 hours of sleep per night. I am awake so late that its actually really early. Not only am I completely exhausted from the lack of sleep, but I am also growing a human being inside of me, and am naturally quite tired from all the work.

Yesterday, I saw one of the doctors at my OB-GYN. I normally see Sue, my NP CNM, but as you never know who will be on call when I deliver, I have to see the other 2 doctors in the practice to get comfortable. I’d never met her before, and that already made it difficult. I tried explaining my problem to her, but she just recommended meditation. I don’t think she understood that this wasn’t a new problem for me, that I’d been suffering with it my entire life. She said “You’re young, this is a cycle you can probably break.” I thought I was making myself clear that it was NOT a new development, and that I know meditation is not for me. Even during the time I took yoga, the hardest part was trying to clear my head during the relaxing poses. I could get into (or attempt) any pose you wanted, but ask me to free up my mind and I was stuck. I wanted to cry in my doctor’s office, but I held back because she was a stranger, and instead pretended to think over what she was saying.

I can’t go on like this! I know that my lack of rest can’t be good for Marco. Its not good for my state of mind. I want to talk to my regular practitioner about it; he prescribed me the Ambien and would be the one to prescribe it again if I needed it. If he wants to discuss it with my OB-GYN then I am all for that, as long as they understand that they can’t sit back and do NOTHING. I am already going to lose hours of sleep once I have this baby, and it makes sense that I want to be well-rested the last few months of pregnancy, doesn’t it?

How far along? 22 weeks, 4 days

Total weight gain/loss: +5

Maternity clothes? Not yet; I bought a pair of jeans, but they are still too big.

Stretch marks? no

Sleep: I’ve never heard of this ‘sleep’ you speak of…

Best moment this week: nothing to do with Marco, but we bought a new Subaru Legacy!

Movement: a lot of it, all the time.

Food cravings: no

Gender: boy

Labor Signs: n/a

Belly Button in or out? in

What I miss: sleeping

What I am looking forward to: the distant future of sleep

Weekly Wisdom: ummmmmm………

Milestones: no milestones to share

J.D. Salinger has passed away.

Thanks for Catcher in the Rye and Franny and Zooey.

I talk about a lot of very unimportant things on this here blog. I talk about shoes and cars, minor daily annoyances, movies and fun excursions (literature is important, and therefore I do not include it in this list). I never seem to get around to some of the more serious thoughts that occupy my mind.

One reason for this is that you never know who is going to read your blog. My family, friends, co-workers, even Tim’s co-workers may somehow find themselves here, and for that reason alone I play it close to the vest.

Another is that I am not always sure how a thing will be taken – my political leanings, for example. Am I ready to get into debates with potential readers? Not particularly. Mind you, it’s not because I am unsure of myself or my affiliations. I really dislike getting into arguments with people (though I do hereby state, rarely has an opponent gotten the better of me), and especially so with extremists or people who are simply ignorant and subscribe to everything told to them by their parents or favorite news anchor. I don’t know how to argue with idiots, and have less patience than a cat when it comes to explaining something to someone who refuses to actually listen. I don’t mind if you disagree with me, but if I give you the benefit of an ear to discuss something as serious as politics or religion, then I expect the same in return.

Are the aforementioned grounds really good? Possibly not. As someone who is opposed to literary censorship, it does grate a little. However, with a baby on the way, careers to maintain, friendships and family ties to consider…it’s not always in my best interest, or in the best interests of others. Plus, there is the possibility that you, the reader, may not even want to read it.

I apologize, therefore, for the seeming triviality of this blog, but it’s not likely to change in tone (with the exception of this posting).

Last weekend our 1889 -excuse me, 1989- Honda Prelude conked out for the 50th (and LAST!) time. Tim and I had been discussing this eventuality already, and had decided to buy a new car in April or May, after we got our tax refund, and paid off the credit card. We could be a one-car family for a little while, but not for more than a month or so, especially as things are starting to get busy again at the Inn.

So, yesterday Tim looked on the Jenson Subaru dealership’s site to check their inventory. They had a 2010 Legacy 2.5i for sale at a very reasonable price, and were offering a good APR. Tim called and they did the credit checks over the phone and were able to get everything taken care of beforehand. Today, after work, we went to the dealership, tested the car (it only had 5 miles on it!) and signed all the papers. We were only there for a little over an hour. Easy peas-y!

Here’s a picture of our car:

Needless to say, Timmy is thrilled. He’s so happy to have another Subaru in the family! I admit, its a pretty sweet car, and I feel a lot better knowing that we have two safe, reliable cars.

Our friends, Kacey and Robert Campos, are expecting their first baby in August! Congratulations to the Campos and Cook families! <3

Threw this outfit on for work this morning without thinking about it, and it turned out so cute that I had Tim take a picture (excuse the poor image quality). Dress, sweater and shoes are from Target, socks are Nine West and the necklace was part of the bridesmaid’s gift from Adrienne.

“Fun” symptoms I’ve been experiencing since becoming pregnant:

-extreme exhaustion
-sore breasts (especially when its cold!)
-bloody noses in the morning
-gums bleeding every time I floss and brush
-excessive burping
-weight gain (yeah, I know its only been a few pounds so far, but its only downhill from here)
-frequent urination! I’m one of those commercials, “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!” I stop drinking liquids two hours before I go to bed, and I still have to get up 7 or 8 times.

Any woman who says pregnancy is beautiful and awesome is deranged. The aftermath of this is probably awesome (here’s hoping), but the actual gestation period? No.